John Cena, Místico, Hulk Hogan, Jumbo Tsuruta, Antonio Inoki, Hiroshi Tanahashi, Kazuchika Okada, Mitsuharu Misawa, Cody Rhodes. What do they all have in common?
They are all babyface aces. Whoever is good on this list is up for contention, and, for lack of a better term, one of them is objectively a bitch. It's Cody, why play pretend? I'm a low voter on Misawa, but at least I like the tag team matches.
I have to say, first, I enjoyed this, but for totally separate reasons than everyone else who did. This is genuinely the funniest spectacle of corporatocracy I've ever seen because, at some points, it is not a celebration of professional wrestling on its biggest stage, but rather, a genuine celebration of the corporate culture of the WWE. Not only that, but its plans to further expand across the globe by overcharging to reach a new “record gate” almost each week. Nonetheless, with worries of a looming 2nd Trump Administration coming, interweaving themselves into it due to Trump's relationship with the McMahon family, even though it carries total sincerity, it feels like an actual mockery at times. Even if Roman and Cody are doing mechanically okay wrestling.
Not only that, it is important to call back to what could be seen as the WWE's most defining and popular feud of all time, Mr. McMahon vs. Stone Cold. The heel was the suit, the corporate officer, Mr. McMahon, and their noted babyface figure was the bold, brash, and even trashy at some points Steve Austin. Yet, the WWE completely throws this away, it completely trashes this with the newfound acceptance of Cody Rhodes, the man who hobbles out on stage in thousand dollar suits, and does the “rah, rah” speech. But, I guess it makes the fans happy, no? I'm not one of those fans, it doesn't matter to me.
Why must we want the corporate champion to win? Why must we want the heel to win? Why must we actively celebrate the company who is battling a sex trafficking lawsuit? Especially since it was in its early stages once this match began. After all, professional wrestling is not just indignant on conflict & struggle, but it is indignant on the sheer idea of wanting to see somebody succeed.
If anything, a point that actively makes this match funnier is the ultimate banding of the faces. The culmination of the heel's reign must feature “Mean” Mark Calaway, it must feature John Cena. If that is not enough for you, to maximize on the “cinema” potential that it has, it was an absolute necessity to feature Seth “Freakin' Rollins. It certainly shows that Cody isn't Rocky, because he can't even stand up fully by himself, even when faced against exaggerated circumstances amongst foes. The babyface ace can not claim a prestigious throne by his own bare hands.
And yet, the man does not thank his wife, the man does not thank his mother, and the man does not thank the people who have helped him win the match. He only proclaims there being a “new era,” thanking the corporate husks that you can call staff members that are Paul “Terra Ryzing Hunter Hearst Helmsley Husband of Stephanie McMahon who had sex all the way to a corporate position” Levesque & Bruce Prichard.
Long live the corporation, and long live being a bitch for the corporation, continually living on your knees for it, independent of all nuanced thought.